Long time...

Wow. So, I haven't written anything in ages! I've been so very busy. I had my finals, and I'm working constantly plus looking for more jobs...I'm trying to make all kinds of money to pay off debts I owe out of my ass!!! (Pardon me).
Well, here is some news. My love and I have talked, and I'm really going to do it! I'm going into the Army National Guard. We're going to go talk to the recruiters tomorrow, and fingers-crossed, I'll leave for basic training in a few weeks. I can't wait. I'm ready to do this. Not just for me, but for US. This is a big way for me to grow as a person and improve myself. I have wanted this for so long, and I'm not gonna put it off anymore. I want it, and I'm going to go for it.
My love is going to take care of our baby, no worries. Vinny will be fine. He'll be having fun in Houston for a while and hopefully be learning more. I'm sure he'll be twice as big when I get back to town. I can't wait though...I'm really, really happy. I don't want to say that I'm "doing something for me" to sound selfish, but I just want everyone to understand, especially my parents, that I'm doing this because its MY dream. It's not an idea anyone else has forced on me, and it's not something I feel I HAVE to do. My love doesn't even feel to good about the idea anyway. This is my choice, my life. I NEED to do this for me.
I want to really know I can be on my own two feet before I depend on someone else. I wont lie, it is nice to know that he is always there for me and loves me and will take care of me. But I want to know that if worse comes to worse, I've got my strengths. And the biggest reason of all: I want to know who I am. It sounds so cliche, but for so long, I've wondered. I've gone through so much. Growing up with a distant mother, then my drug-addict brother, then the rape, then all my awful and regretted next couple of years...
I mean, I know I'm happy with my love, but besides that, I know nothing. I want to know more. I want to know who I am, where I am going, how I want to be, how I want to raise my children...All the important things someone needs to know about themselves. My love went through a lot when he was growing up, and it was hard and he still battles certain struggles every day. But I know he knows who he is. He's so sure and defined. He's strong and brave, and it's like he can face any problem head-on! I'm not there yet. I don't want to be timid. I want to grab the bull by the horns. I'm ready to become me.
My Vinny needs a strong mother, a strong role model. In a month or so, he'll have one.

I'm Crazier...and it's all for him!

Boy Troubles!!

Ahhhhh! Double trouble tonight! My love is the "chaplain" in his school organization, which means all of the lowly freshmen depend on him to be there when they have a bad day and stub their toes!! In reality, chaplains don't have that much responsibility. College freshmen should know how to wipe their own asses at this point in their lives, and if not, they shouldn't be here! Why the hell is he putting so much pressure on himself to be at their every beckon call?? It's BS to me because I get put on the back burner as soon as one of them calls him and has a problem. You would think he wouldn't even consider it. You would think that he would say: "I just wanna be with you, I'll talk to him tomorrow". But no. He got up and left me tonight. We were watching a movie together, about to go to sleep, and he decides its all important, and he must go! Really?? And then he thinks I'm overreacting and shouldn't be angry. I'm selfish to want my boyfriend to stay with me when its midnight? I can't even make plans with him because he'll agree to them, and then in the middle has to change everything based on his school organization. I'm second to some stupid group of guys. Is that fair? Anyone? Am I overreacting? How would you go about telling your guy he's being a pig-headed jerk and treating me like I'm not important??? Ughhh!
And: on top of all that, I must keep you informed with Vinny. He's learning to listen to me better, however, the crate training isn't going so well. He doesn't like being pinned up, as I wouldn't expect anyone would, but he's just not getting it. It's been far too long for him to still be whining as much as he does in there when I leave.
I wont give up though.

On either of them.

Happy [EARLY] Mother's Day!

Make a Smilebox greeting

Spoiled Pup!

I'm so sleepy! I just took a short nap between classes, but have to head out for campus soon.

I spoiled Vinny when I got home though! He had his first prepared meal today! He loved it! He still can't stop licking the bowl! I wish I was wealthy enough to spoil him more often, but he's just gonna have to wait for some time!
Well...he needs to go out and go potty now and then I have to head to my class! I do hate leaving him so often, but I think he's beginning to get used to it!
So long friends!

Up All Night!

Hey ya world! I'm up. It's 3:05 am here, and I'm going crazy! I have an english project proposal to write up that was due earlier this week...I've not been myself lately. I don't know what the deal is. I'm just tired alot, or depressed and I just don't feel like working for anything. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's true. I don't feel like trying sometimes.
So...anyone got puppy training tips? Vinny is 4 months old and a great kid...but he's not so good at his skills such as "lay down!" "go to your kennel" and "stay". I want him to be a better walker to. I want to get down the stairs without being yanked down them when I'm half asleep in the morning. I know he's young, and I keep getting mixed info...like, he'll learn it when he gets older, it'll start to stick then or he's plenty old enough now, you should train them from day one! I don't know what I'm getting here! hahaha.

Alrighty...on to writing up this paper! Wish me luck!

Photo Shoot!

Well...today is once again a rainy day! Since I have to go to work in a few hours, I thought that I should do something cute with my hair, that wont ruin with the rain...so it became a sloppy updo! Yay! Anyway, I took some fun pictures because it seemed so much more important than doing my homework! Getting a stubborn puppy to look at the camera is not easy!

Anyway: on another note...life is hard! If anyone has any helpful hints for how to maintain happiness while working and going to school and doing everything with no help from anyone else...let me know! Being on your own is not easy! I have to figure out how to get loans on my own, pay rent on my own...the only thing I don't pay for is my car. My parents gave it to me. I pay for gas, that's it. Lucky me. I guess I can't complain then. My love has to pay for everything, AND his car. But he's so much better with money than I am. He can afford to spoil me and himself every now and then. I haven't had room to move so far. My money is so tight its insane! I just wish I had a really good job but still had time to do really well in school. It's hard to do both, and sometimes I wonder if I'm really cut out for it. I would like to take the summer off to enlist and go to basic training for the Army. My love doesn't think that's a good idea. In fact...he flipped when I mentioned it. I think I really want to though. I'll get a good signing bonus, get away for a while, and when I come back, I'll be more matured (hopefully), and ready for life. I don't know!!! I want to get all of that by just continuing what I'm doing...but I feel like I'm not ready for college right now. Or maybe I feel like I'm past school and I just want to move on. I'd really like a family and a house and a career. That last one will only come if I keep working hard though. Ughhhh! I hate life! It's so complicated! Sorry to go on about my problems! I hope I haven't bored you to death! I'll be back, and hopefully more positive tomorrow!
-Not quite grown up Carol.